下部 She is not pretty,she is not wearing rouge.SAINT-BEUVE
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At last they sat down，Madame de Renal next to Julien，and
MadameDerville on the other side of her friend.Preoccupied with the
attempt he mustshortly make，Julien could think of nothing to
say.The conversationlanguished.
''Shall I tremble like this and feel as uncomfortable the first
time I have tofight a duel？'' Julien wondered;for he had too little
confidence either in himselfor in others not to observe the state
he was in.
In this agorusing uncertainty，any danger would have seemed to
himpreferable.How often did he long to see Madame de Renal called
by some dutywhich would oblige her to retum to the house and so
leave the garden！ The violence of the effort which Julien had to
make to control himself was such thathis voice was entirely
altered;presently Madame de Renal''s voice becametremulous also，but
Julien never noticed this.The ruthless warfare which his sense of
duty was waging with his natural timidity was too exhausting for
himto be in a condition to observe anything outside himself.The
quarter before tenhad sounded from the tower clock，without his
having yet ventured on anything.Julien，ashamed of his
cowardice，told himself：''At the precise moment whenten o''clock
strikes，I shall carry out the intention which，all day long，I
havebeen promising myself that I would fulfil this evening，or I
shall go up to myroom and blow my brains out.''
After a final interval of tension and anxiety，during which the
excess of his emotion carried Julien almost out of his senses，the
strokes often sounded from the clock overhead.Each stroke of that
fatal bell stirred an echo in his bosom，causing him almost a
physical revulsion.
Finally，while the air was still throbbing with the last stroke
of ten，he putout his hand and took that of Madame de Renal，who at
once withdrew it.Julien，without exactly knowing what he was
doing，grasped her hand again.Although greatly moved himself，he was
struck by the icy coldness of the handhe was clasping;he pressed it
with convulsive force;a last attempt was made toremove it from
him，but finally the hand was left in his grasp.
His heart was flooded with joy，not because he loved Madame de
Renal，but because a fearful torment was now at an end.So that
Madame Dervilleshould not notice anything，he felt himself obliged
to speak;his voice，now，was loud and ringing.Madame de Renal''s，on
the other hand，betrayed suchemotion that her friend thought she
must be ill and suggested to her that theyshould go indoors.Julien
saw the danger：''If Madame de Renal returns to thedrawing-room，I am
going to fall back into the horrible position I have been inall
day.I have not held tliis hand long enough to be able to reckon it
as adefinite conquest.''
When Madame Derville repeated her suggestion that they should
go intothe drawing-room，Julien pressed the hand that lay in
his.
Madame de Renal，who was preparing to rise，resumed her
seat，saying ina faint tone：
''I do，as a matter of fact，feel a litde unwell，but the fresh
air is doing megood.''
These words confirmed Julien''s happiness，''which，at this
moment，wasextreme： he talked，forgot to dissimulate，appeared the
most charming of mento his two hearers.And yet there was still a
slight want of courage in thiseloquence which had suddenly come to
him.He was in a deadly fear lestMadame Derville，exhausted by the
wind which was beginning to rise，andheralded the storm，might decide
to go in by herself to the drawing-room.Thenhe would be left alone
with Madame de Renal.He had found almost byaccident the blind
courage which was sufficient for action;but he felt that it
laybeyond his power to utter the simplest of words to Madame de
Renal.Howevermild her reproaches might be，he was going to be
defeated，and the advantage which he had just gained wiped out.
……
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